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Partnering for Success
The
course of our life, the things we achieve, the happiness we
feel, are all in some way effected by the people around us. This column includes tips on how to be more
successful and enjoy
life even in the tough times by forging winning
partnerships—partnerships that help you and those around you
prosper.
A
Column by Philippa Courtney
August 2002
Sincere Interest is a Sign of Success
How often do you leave a conversation with someone feeling like you
were listening to a monologue? Is it because they simply lack
interest in you or is because they don't know how to engage others
in conversation? When someone asks you how you are doing, do they
really want an honest answer? Are they willing to stop and take the
time to listen?
The irony is that while we are often wrapped up in our own lives we
are also starved for real connection. We sit on airplanes and in
hair salons and tell our stories to total strangers. We prefer to
shop at stores and eat at restaurants where people know our name.
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Someone told me that Stephen had left home and dropped out of
school when he was only fifteen years old. And now at just
twenty-three he is a successful business consultant. But
without knowing these facts, you would still be impressed
with this remarkable young man. His poise and the ease with
which he relates to people of all types and ages would have
you saying to yourself, this guy is going places; and you'd
know you were right.
Stephen and I never spoke about business. We didn't even meet
in a business setting. We just happened to be sitting next to
each other, draped in black capes waiting to get our hair
cut. He did not have one of those charismatic personalities
that holds you hypnotized. Stephen just seemed to really
enjoy listening to each of the people around him. This made
us all feel that he was really interested in what we had to
say.
Some people seem to have that indefinable something that
makes them special. Wouldn't you like people to have the same
feeling about you—that you are someone who is going places
and that they would like to be part of your success? |
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When we find someone who listens
and talks with us, someone who seems genuinely interested in
who we are, we are captivated by that person's unexpected
interest and attention. |
Was Stephen born with it or had he somehow developed this skill
of showing genuine interest in others that made him so
impressive? In fact this is a skill that we can all develop.
It seems logical that when we show interest in someone we
become more appealing to that person. Even the thesaurus on my
computer lists the synonyms for the word "interested" as
responsive, enticed, and attracted.
Maybe it's the fear of appearing nosy that stops us from
showing more interest in others. Your actions are always
perceived through your intentions. So if you inquire about
someone because you are truly interested in them and they seem
like a good person to know, you won't be thought of as
intrusive.
Will people think that you are interrogating them? Try turning
a question into a conversation. When you ask someone, "How do
you like living in Chicago?" you have posed a question. When
you say, "how do you like living in Chicago, I hear the winters
there are really tough but the people make up for it?" then you
have taken yourself from questioning someone to becoming a
participant in a conversation.
Another reason we may not appear interested in others is lack
of focus. Have you ever been at a social or business gathering
talking to someone while they scanned the room for better
contacts? At work has anyone asked you how you are doing and
then before you could answer moved the conversation back to
them? We can all sense when someone feels that they are missing
a better conversation or that they really don't have the time
to listen to us.
This week, try allotting a specific time each day to truly
interact with people. Maybe it's just ten minutes before,
during, or after work. Imagine that you are a writer searching
for interesting characters for your next story. Slow down and
turn off any feeling of impatience or anxiety—just focus on
listening to and appreciating others, one person at a time.
Notice how people respond more positively to you and how you
feel in return.
If you really don't have time to listen, then don't talk.
At first, like anything new, it may feel a bit awkward. But the
amazing thing is when you start really showing interest in the
people around you the benefit is immediate and mutual—you both
end up feeling more valued.
The people you meet won't think of you simply as someone who
gave them a card at a networking event, or someone who really
"worked" the party well, They will see you as someone
different, someone special, someone they want to know.
Adopt an attitude that people are worth knowing and they'll
think the same of you. Show sincere interest in the people
around you and you'll be creating partners in your success.
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